


Before We Meet Again

by Pleasereadmything



Category: Bleach
Genre: Bitterness, Character Study, Complex Emotions, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Realism, Everything Was Hard Before It Was Easy, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Introspection, Kuchiki Byakuya POV, One Shot, POV First Person, Relationship Study, Sad w/ Optimistic Ending, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:22:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25602025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pleasereadmything/pseuds/Pleasereadmything
Summary: In which, Kuchiki Byakuya reflects on his feelings for Kuchiki Hisana. A look into a more depressing aspect of the love for his former wife.
Relationships: Kuchiki Byakuya/Kuchiki Hisana
Kudos: 13





	Before We Meet Again

Over the many years, everyone held misconceptions about me (towards you, and only you).

I loved you.

I loved you when you made me turn from my principles, my traditions, and my own mind. 

I loved you when you gave me our cherished memories. 

I loved you when you smiled at me for the last time.

Even when you were long gone, I wanted you.

Even after I found your sister, I knew that I would never care for someone the same way ever again.

Even following the many wars and ideological struggles that came afterwards, your face would be the one I wished to see as I dueled with death.

But, there’s another part of me that I’m ashamed of. One that I didn’t want to acknowledge.

But I must, as this isn’t fair for me to keep bottled up inside.

I hate you.

No, ‘hate’ is too strong of a word. 

Let me rephrase, my love.

After the initial bliss period of our relationship, you turned your attention toward finding your sister.

So much so, that you neglected your own health, and my own wishes for your safety.

There came a point, when I realized, that you could die out of sheer exhaustion from your emotional and physical sickness.

You would willingly leave me alone, in a clan that spite and ridiculed me for my ‘degenerate’ choices in love.

But you wouldn’t regret it even when you did.

  
You regretted dying on me after five years of devotion, that is true, but that did not outweigh your guilt over abandoning your sister.

On your final day in this world, as you laid in the finest sheets in my home, you gave me your dying words.

You begged me to find your sister, and to let her consider me as her brother (as family).

I do not blame you for this. 

But as I promised you, and as you left me with peace in your eyes, my heart was black with a mix of turmoil.

I felt rejected, for you didn’t love me enough to seek the medical care I could’ve given with my status.

I felt used, for your last wish was for your sister (and not me).

I felt bitter, for you couldn’t wait for me to fall out of love with you (which would’ve been impossible, but still, I wanted the choice to).

The world knows our story. 

They know of an arrogant and prideful heir falling for the street-rat. A tragic rags to riches tale passed from one noble house to another.

They know of my devotion to you, so much so that I adopted your sister into the rank of nobility.

They know that I never took a wife, a lover, or even a new friend until after your sister’s failed execution.

They know that my line will end with me, as the name of Kuchiki will pass on through your sister’s blood.

But what they will not know is the traitorous sliver of quiet rage in my heart.

They will not know of the many days (and relapses) of shredding training mannequins to relieve the pain of being without you.

They will never understand my fears of falling in love again, of potentially baring my heart only to be cut by gentle words and unintended (or was it intentional?) manipulation.

They will never know the pain that Byakuya Kuchiki felt when he despised someone so intimately.

However, no one will realize, and that is how it will stay.

I still love you, and I always will.

But at the same time, your existence continues to hurt me.

Someday, we will see each other again.

When we do, let me vent, and rage, before I beg you to let me cradle you in my arms once more.

Nevertheless, it is not my time yet.

For now, I will look to the future, and try to enjoy these small moments with others.

For now, I will say goodbye, until we meet again.

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT (8/2): Thank you for the kudos!


End file.
